Kickin the Truth.
Remember, you can be just as fucked up on drugs and alcohol, as you can be on lies. The truth only sounds good to people who care.
Strengths & Weaknesses
WEAKNESSES
Slowing down or stopping when close to finishing
Focusing on too many projects at a time
Being unorganized
Not sacrificing ego to take jobs I see below my worth to make money and provide
Trying to please too many people
Not keeping deadlines
Being undisciplined
Not fixing my weaknesses
STRENGTHS
Knowing what my weaknesses are. Now I can slowly wear them down
Monday’s
A habit, somedays I’m glad I can’t kick. Although I haven’t had too many that didn’t make me sick. But the weekend, I can’t tell if they’re friend or foe. Dates I always look forward to but enhance my struggle.
2 days out of seven.
1 to rest.
1 to prepare for stress.
When will it end? Hopefully with everyday feeling like the weekend.
LOVE SICK
The physical abuse that makes lovers strangers and enemies or, makes them strangely love the threats with the intensity that makes a person focus on someone they hate.
If you ever seen someone who is dope sick, that’s what loving the wrong person is.
But I don’t know if anyone ever has the right dose all of the time.
It depends on what high your on at that moment in life. But those dead-beat daddies sure know how to beat love down in the sheets. And bring more forgiveness than a eulogy.
Real deal Daddy skills.
Fatherhood ain’t always what men think.
It’s a combination of what children want combined with what they need.
Pushing them to be a good person is crucial. But pushing them to become the person you dreamed of but never became, is how children become mentally crippled in areas they were previously creative and free.
Children have their own idols. And you might be one of them. But if you force your views, you will become false instead of real.
Anniversary Love
It’s not my anniversary, but this is how I’ve had so many.
My Wife is.
(S)weet as coming home to a clean house.
(W)elcoming and fulfilling as a phat booty.
(E)asy as a promise.
(E)xciting as new pussy catching the nut of a man going through a crisis.
(T)hat anniversary love..
.
(F)ierce enough to cut a playa when he fucks up.
(U)nforgettable as a feminist who loves to please a dick.
(C)onstant stimulation like a mind full of ambition.
(k)eeps my toes curling.
(H)ealer.
(E)xpert mind blower.
(R)eason we dream. And for wet dreams.
I got myself a sweet fuck’er
————————————————————————————————-
ALTERNATE VERSION
Sweet as sweet potato pie.
Welcoming and fulfilling as a phat butt.
Easy as a promise.
Exciting as new pussy catching a man going through a crisis nut.
That anniversary love
.
Fierce enough to cut a playa when he fucks up.
Unforgettable as a feminist who loves to please a dick.
Constant stimulation like vibrating underwear.
keeps it fun like public fornication.
DREAMS & NIGHTMARES
A nightmare is a dream you can’t control.
A dream is a nightmare you enjoy.
An alter life from the soul.
Realities free escape.
A haunting sacrifice you chase.
Ya feel me
Never feel sorry for being yourself, especially if your honesty comes from trying to improve.
SAVAGE THERAPY
I'm a Civil to a savage.
I'm a nice guy with my ignorance. The type who will help you with your groceries to steal what I want to eat.
Fuck- fuck- fuck- yahhh.
Ba-da-da-da-da-da.
You-really-really-pissed-me-off.
So-I'm-gonna-watch some porn-and blare it loud like a hooorrrn.
And go off-in your clean drawers.
Child Support
Remember I love. Remember what I told you. Why are you not listening? How come you don’t remember.
What the fuck did I say? What the fuck did I tell you? You aint a baby no more. You gotta figure this shit out?
Whats wrong?
Remember what I told you. Are you listening? Remember I love you. You remember right?
How do people handle and survive anxiety or depression, especially if you have kids? Without saying “stop being a bitch. What the fuck is wrong with you? Or thinking everyone is retarded. I know they say spread the word to end the word, but sometimes people who don’t have special needs act like they do and sometimes your only choice is to let your hands fly or that word.
I know people say, you always have a choice. But that’s not always how depression or anxiety works. It sneaks up on you like a sore pimple or body odor.
And parents wonder where and what mistake they made besides becoming one. Warning! Remember, if you love your kids, don’t tell them this. It might produce a star that zooms across memories and news screens for making flesh fall limp and lifeless.
Aww cut it out. We love our kids, but we don’t always like them. Kids don’t always like their parents either. In fact. Who spends more time disliking? Acting like discipline, chores and the word no is murderous and hateful to their freedumb.
It just makes You wanna leave or abandon the one you're with.
Remember I love you.
Remember to remember you love me.
Stop being a little bitch. Leaking like a pussy. Or a thirsty dick. But it’s the pussies that leak and keep going. Dicks need rest. They tap out. So, who's really the bitch. Not me, cause I make pussies tap out.
And if you feel like this and can’t tell yourself the truth, you might need a professional with a degree. Remember what I told you.
Psychologists see their own, to shrink what they don’t want to see or think and expand what you want.
Remember we need to try and meet the kids at their level. It’s hard because when they tell you they have suicidal thoughts, parents always forget to remember when we had those same feelings, from that crush or love that rejected or dumped us.
Shit… Even current money or job problems make us wanna leave and advance with the ones lying to themselves. Pretending everything is under control while they hand you their issues right after they encourage you and remind you they love you.
That embarrassment and pressing feeling of being alone, while surrounded by people going through problems that attract and disgust the same people. With lies that bring belief until truth sounds off.
So now you’re handling their problems better than your own. A Debt you won’t recover, A lasting setback. Stroking egos to be friends with people who don’t care enough to check your pulse from their overdose.
You never want to make your kids feel like its completely normal to have depressing, hurtful, suicidal thoughts but truth is, it haunts Adults especially who don’t get the sympathy of celebrities or children.
We gotta remember, were supposed to help and support without court mandates or too late death bed gatherings and prayers. The best way to do that is to be honest about the times we (Adults) didn’t figure it out which for a-lot of us is our entire lives.
We need to listen without interrupting, judging, or injecting our own sob stories as if the child is our therapist and we catch them off guard for approval and acceptance. You gotta Allow your child to come to you for help without sinking them deeper into the life their asking for help to avoid.
Transcript from my upcoming podcast “The Tabernacle”
Strip Club Adventures
Everything was bouncing. The walls. The glasses. The niggas, the bitches. The art. I expected the bitches to be bouncing, its basic economics, but (who the fuck has art hanging in a strip club?).
I took a closer look, and it was close ups of tits and ass. Genius. I smiled when I stepped back from my examination of the female body. And I was surrounded.
They must’ve sensed fresh meat. The way upperclassmen smell virgins.
They grabbed my hand and led me to the front row seat. Every blink turned every move into a centerfold snapshot.
The man at the next table said, “You deserve a raise.” Then stood up to show the lump in his pants.
The dancer said, “I sure do baby, but I need a bigger one than that” And winked at me.
Mr. Dickhead yelled “Ayy!” Then came over to my table. I have always been able to handle myself, but I got the feeling that he was there with a couple of the jerk offs at his table. I stood up. He swung. I backed up, felt soft flesh and something slide against my ass.
I grabbed for my wallet, and it was gone.
“Ayyy!” Mr. Dickhead swung again. I blocked and turned to grab Ms. Sticky palms. She whistled and a bouncer big as a bear lifted me and carried me outside.
“Wait! Wait! She took my fucking wallet.”
He put me down outside the entrance. Ms. Sticky Palms strutted up behind him holding my wallet.
“Naw baby” That fake ID is gonna get us all fucked. She opened it, took out the cash. Counted a hundred in twenties and tens, folded and slid sixty in her bra, put the rest back and handed me my wallet.
She leaned in and whispered.
“I can’t let no tenderonies get us shut down. No matter how fine. Better hide that fake ID too.”
She nodded towards four cops leaning against their cars.
DARK WINE
Art by Christian Marclay
My city so dark. Hate far too easy. Love is soo hard.
Wars party raging in our hearts.
We have a ball with fire. Whiskey blood and tempers heat light my city.
Come enjoy it with me.
My city so dark.
Hold my hand. Let’s jump together. Swim out too deep. We got each other. But I can only save me.
My city so dark.
We make it spark. The beauty. The shock. Turning hearts, the beats flatten people out.
Praying under lights doesn’t hide the dark. Cries don’t wash clean lies. Some trail away. Sloppy escapes forge new names.
My city so dark.
I’m willing to walk.
Always on guard. All lights on me. I Don’t look up. The fall is too hard. I scope where to put you down.
My city so dark.
That’s all we, see? For each other? Forever?
Enchanted, but not a movie. can’t see the good we all have, until it’s all gone. Hate rushing like a flood. Love stalled and backed up.
My city so dark.
It’s what everyone wants. To stay on guard. Shielding our hearts. To say we outlasted our hurt. And shout famous last words.
Is your city this dark?
Good Black Neighbor
Image From Movie Coonskin
Is there such a thing as a Good Black Neighbor? Sounds like a fucked up, racist question but I’m black so I can ask. Especially since breaking and entering was the perfect job for an underage dark-skinned kid needing to get paid.
But now as a man, I don’t know. My back yard looks like I’m living in a house I broke into. I’m on my best behavior out here because this gated community has more rules than a homeless shelter.
Just about all my neighbors are white. One day, when I was walking my dog, I saw a white who lady locked herself out of her house. I only knew this because she nervously approached me-a stranger who is not her husband and asked me if I had a ladder. I didn’t, but I knew how to get her one.
I immediately started scanning through my favorite porn scenes and got her that ladder. I placed it near her most accessible opening-the second floor window. It was raining, so she was nervous about climbing up. Again, I immediately offered to help. Eager as an addict to make my own original scene.
But when she said no! She would rather wait and call the locksmith. I was like damn either she don’t like niggaz, I’ve been watching too much porn, or I gotta lose more weight than I thought.
All I know is I’m heavy where it matters.
Rat a tat City Bitch.
Image from movie “Coonskin”
Massacres and manhood.
Sex lies-screw the truth.
Kill the truth. Sex lies and violence is the American Drug.
Like Doughboy said “either they don't know don't show or don't care what goes on in the hood.” "Either They Don't Know..." - YouTube
Unless its white or a rapper gets killed.
My favorite person is Malcolm X. And when I see images of school and mass shootings which has always predominantly been done by white terror-minded boys and men, I don’t believe this is the pigeons coming home to roost. I always think of Eminem’s song “White America” which he says, “I could be one of your kids.” Eminem - White America (Official Music Video) - YouTube
And they are Americas classic kids.
Tobacco, guns, denim, and r-words. The world’s favorite “ ism” after sex.
I won’t ignore the gang violence committed by Blacks, but we need to remember, America doesn’t care. It keeps them insured.
Its critical to the mass condition. Government’s god given decision- approving death with votes, check the taxes. They fund a trillion rounds of war. it provides stars for the depressed. The kind youth look up to.
They don't see losses when they collect bodies as trophies. The whistle don't blow when bullets run out. They shoot with dicks, nuts as clips. The lost ones make the most cents.
We say let women run free and fix it, but who you think are stroking the men? I know not all of them, but hoes choose to be loyal to pimps. Money and influence makes strong fierce women weak outside the sheets-despite the power of pussy.
You know what I'm seeing. You're seeing it too. You can say it with me. You’re saying it in your head!
Someone asked if it's an attack on manhood.
Nah, I don’t think so. But everybody’s virgin is different. Cause everyone wants to be a new, fresh, tight villain, worshipped like a hero.
Weak men will kill and beat people they believe don’t think they’re man enough. That is the only time I have ever viewed masculinity as toxic. And I don’t even use that word.
I don’t give a fuck what someone’s version of masculinity is because it’s not my business until they try to make me believe it is or I should think the same.
I’m a man. I raise my family and kids my way. I have a dick. I can be gentle. I come in woman when they ask to make babies. I can be sensitive. I come on them when I’m tired of kids.
I compromise. I lie when I want to make them feel better and avoid them when I don’t. It’s my choice. If you don’t like it leave me to fuck alone.
—Be sure to check out my podcast called “THE TABERNACLE”
—Also my upcoming book “Mom said go talk to Dad is available for pre-order now on my website. Click on (GRIZZLY BOOKS)
Where is the grass greener?
Art by Ravi Zupa
WHITE MAN!!!
pass the whip like a bong.
They gather, pretend to care. Make friends, shake hands, shuffle on cupid. Keep playing. The happiness in music only you hear, covers mothers screams and heart attack from despair.
Dishonor every promise.
When the check flows, close doors on solutions.
Make Amends.
Praying hands shuffle reparations. Payment for separation. The currency to Keep niggas chained, to the block, round the clock.
6 to bury 6 to escort. Hell- they're in heaven digging onyx skin and diamond teeth.
LISTEN MAN!!!
There was a time when the shooter was a hero. When they made sure the good ones made it home.
Now for every life cut short Black Folk celebrate by destroying our own.
FUCKMAN!!!
STOP! Put your hands down.
STOP! Letting your silencers fly. The bang is deafening when bodies hit the ground.
BLACK MAN!!!
Let the pavement speak. Make it rumble where they sleep. They snore with power. Bellies full, laughing at our disaster.
Make them avoid pictures showing their distorted aura. Scary like a man abandoning families. Their shadow self-lying, claiming it was "him or ME" knowing both could've left in peace.
They believe we accept the beating.
Move sharp.
Our tongue-lashing retaliation is art they display, and study, and re-create flawlessly.
THEIR VERSION OF PEACE MAN!!!
Always an echo I hope not to hear. An Image I shouldn't have to believe, shit I can’t unsee.
AAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! MAN.
My tears hit like anvils. I wish they were bullets.
I wish they were wet, filled with lead, crumbled and dead, still chilling like their niggers.
Normal as breath leaving bodies, enjoying the lynching party.
Heartbroken Heartbreaker
Art by REHone
The thrill of negativity is uplifting. No matter how it comes or who you come in, you feel the high before you come down.
That’s why I ask you to spend time being selfish. Selfishness holds families and love together. As long as you stay when it’s bad-and help get each other through. THEN you can leave. And maybe you won’t get looked at as a sucker.
I know that might Sound fucked up. But not as much as me wanting to fuck up everyone who tells me no, especially if we’re together, or in a relationship or love each-other. Then that makes me want to go fuck everyone else.
That’s why I just don’t ask. So, I don’t take anything personal. Because I want revenge for everything. That comes from not being selfish enough-or to say it so you don’t think I’m a lunatic, It comes from not taking time for myself.
---This is how I broke my own heart. I never took time for myself to find what I could do to help. I was just always on the hunt. Chasing Angels and their inferno.
I was spreading those wings that provide warmth and comfort. I was seeing visions of ecstasy and how wonderful the future and love could be.
There were a-lot moments like these where I ended up fucking myself. But there just ain’t no better feeling. It’s the male version of abortion, and abandoning his seed---our Plan B. It’s A gut emptying sonic boom.
It’s like taking a good shit after eating too much greasy food that makes you feel like a baby is trying to kick its way out. Then we can just wipe ourselves clean and walk away, and ignore, or admire the pain we caused.
That’s why you gotta to spend time being selfish. Selfishness holds families and love together. As long as you stay when it’s bad-and help get each other through. THEN you can leave. And maybe you won’t get looked at as a sucker.
I know that might Sound fucked up. But not as much as me wanting to fuck up everyone who tells me no, especially if we’re together, or in a relationship or love each-other. Then that makes me want to go fuck everyone else.
Chirp CHirp (Natures Alarm Clock)
If my chirping is annoying, it’s because you need to move.
Get up and do what you promised.
If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for the ones depending on you.
You are your only excuse.
You are your only solution.
Just get up and make the right moves.
You already know the wrong ones.
They left you living like an animal.
Life is What you make it (Sometimes)
Sometimes
When it’s beautiful outside, I just wanna make it ugly.
When it’s ugly that’s when I find beauty.
Don’t judge, you do the same. That’s why we’re not getting better.
Too many times that’s what holds us together.
So, when things start to change, we flip. We claim suffering makes us tougher but only on each other.
Sometimes
I want to restart.
We had many chances. Break-ups, divorce, wars.
I get what we ask for. I hate it when I have it. I love it when I don’t.
It’s because I don’t want you to experience the power. I want it alone.
No judgement. I need to help and harm exclusively. I need to be blame free. I want credit doubt free.
When the world seems ugly, I search for the beauty.
Sometimes, it’s easy.
I stop looking in others because they leave.
So, all I have is myself.
Sometimes that’s the hardest to experience and believe.
GODDAMN HELL’OF A LIFE
Why God, the devil got me hard. He was beautiful and gay—I mean happy in his own unique way. I’m only saying this cause this month is banging like that Pharell song.
And mines is dark and gloomy like the world and the coward bitches making laws.
Please overturn my thoughts. Dont let my anger breed hate.
Normally I don’t succumb. But right now, I’m like everyone—Full of stupidity, willing to spread it for fun..