Stand Bye Me
Image from the movie Dead Presidents
So many of us grow up with the fairytale fathers.
Chasing loot and pussy, paying to keep families separated from intimate dinners and still gather where they can be alone together.
Cook outs where drugs and alcohol flow. Everything for the soul to be exposed. Dancing and shouting to resolve issues before the fights and shootouts commence. Now we're holed up, holding hands, spirits closer than they've ever been.
We asked to be taken home long before.
Ain't enough talking to God, meditating or deep breathing, to control. Hoping social anxiety doesn't cripple me because I haven’t figured out the best version of me yet.
So yes, I guess I am always the biggest threat.
Stop Fucking Around
No man can hide from life. Whether fully or ill-prepared, your fears and cares will be exposed.
Are you preparing to live out your dreams or nightmares?
Nitty-Gritty
Image from Pinterest
Whenever I can’t help, I feel like I lost respect. I know better, but thinking the worst is like giving birth. You know the pain and think raising love up and better than our youth makes you too mature to feel the same hurt.
They say you pay to play; at my age the only game I’m running is making sure my wife’s still willing to get down like she’s in heat, sweating like the raw spice we used when we were young making tasteful porn, without recording the moments and movements that would make desire last.
When you’re young, you can make it feel good. I’ve always been hard to deal with, but I never wanted anyone to feel like they have to make up love.
I’ll take it in truth and power because it’s a requirement for my bloodline.
MARKED MAN
Relax
Go get a load off. Make your lady happy. Make your children smile. The abilities of a blessed seed sprouting growth for his world. But... What if all that fills you with dread because of living a life you never wanted?
Some say there aint a problem love can’t solve. Unless love is the problem. You know… When it feels different. Warm hearts and bodies that give you comfort are stripped, for a stranger’s entertainment.
Conversations too friendly to remain that way. When you make yourself comfortable with distance in your relationship, you nurture and become the danger.
Ain’t that a bitch-or, as they say now a days when a man’s sensitive. Showing a softer side is how we slide. Isn’t it ironic-being hard is what women want and what makes them feel like they’ve had enough.
Who can relax knowing it’s always a war!
Live A Lot more than A little
What do you do when you want to give up?
Remember you want to give your children positive successful places to look.
I say this everyday dreaming of a better scene.
As I work myself to exhaustion diagnosing nightmares. Helping people who fight and complain to keep the same life ending feeling-despite their family needing them to heal.
Then I go home wrecked, like an overweight man in an over the hill tournament. Or a new divorcee prowling the club, thinking getting fucked up and dicked down keeps them young.
You know what the fuck is wrong.
Sacrifice. Family needs. Regret. Struggle to do it different because nobody really gives a fuck about improvement.
They would rather lay and be lazy, fat from negativity, so when settling becomes their version of sexy. they fit in with the broken mentality.
ON-TARGET
Art from Pinterest
YES-YOU ARE RIGHT. YES-I AM WRONG.
One will dis-arm, I'll dare to say calm
The other will set it off.
You ever feel like you were headed everywhere you thought of? And never get the attention you want. And you keep trying, to do right. Nobody wants karma sutures, so you do wrong because life feels like it hurts less when you're seducing others.
That spell is ripe with tickling memories that make you erect, even in the cold. You give off more heat when your heart is frozen. Everyone sees you. The lonely one, learning how to live the life you want.
Stay on your path. It's part of A king's grace. Spread happiness across your Queens body and face. Or risk the grin of a serpent. Slick tongues spread pleasure and poison, and we convulse from both.
Lonely hearts leave strangers in beds when another love has their soul. It's not always a person of access. Could be fantasy or new preference.
Despite it all stand like a man. Throw hands. Fists to knock sense. Handshakes to prove you're the better, and at times not to make it worse.
Stand with pride. Demanding respect, open to forgiveness, showing love to saints and sinners. We wear and shed the skin of both and adopt one over the other, with the understanding everybody can't go.
That is the mindset of the abandoned, and those who stand on business. When things fall apart because of trust issues- it means your acting out behaviors the most honorable can't save you from.
What makes a house a home?
Freedom to come...
Be loved more and judged less.
Life is exactly what it seems. Seeing is always believing depending on your mentality. Some say depression is a luxury. It's one me and mines can't afford, but the only one we still break our backs to pay for.
Point it out. Aim at the beautiful.
Your family! You! Overcoming everything you've been through! The wonderful life ahead of you!
Try to make it the weapon for lessons and morals.
Down on my luck waiting for a come-up.
Trying every day,
Thinking bout Fucking whoever comes my way,
why not. Loves gonna end one day, better to do it my way.
Father forgive who? I ain't forgave myself for not having the wealth poor dads say don't amount to the riches of love.
Home ran down so company ain't allowed. Babies asking why’s Dad cranky?
Cause we in a sober house living like we smoke out.
Bad Mood
When you look around and feel trapped, it's because your ambitions got highjacked, taken over, held hostage by work that your anxiety says you to need so the family can eat. Relationships that hold you in place because you don't know if your next move will renew or ruin, because yours are scrutinized so much by people who are supposed to care, they ignore their own behavior or lash out when you give attention to theirs.
That trap makes fathers break out of a legal mentality. Break out of being rational. And we become that caged animal that once attracted but now scares you.
Man Therapy
When ego becomes your magic, you make believe taking it easy is the best way to avoid dealing with the hard parts of life.
It's like the self-sabotaging behavior of an addict. You need to remember everybody's recovering from something, so if you don’t check your ego, it becomes, abusive. Then love disappears.
THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
BITCH
I’m a good mood, let’s F… That over 40’s attitude when you’re man enough, and know you always had what they want. Self-therapy and introspection of how the love we cherished disappeared.
I was game in my 20’s but never someone to play with. You said you were ready for my rule. Now you wanna change up after obeying this long like your clit has an itch for a different dick. The cure for that is remembering new pussy makes old dick grow another inch. so, anything new you’re doing better be in your old man’s bedroom.
A woman is the backbone, From the bob of her head, strength of her neck, flexibility of her hips to the curl of her toes, your anatomy blesses her soul.
Until she starts testing your differences. Coming back from business trips with strange bruises like she encountered human voodoo-a new influence.
She’s tryna get accustomed to seeing ghosts. You have kids to protect so you do your best to keep her close, until it kills you. Or you wait till their grown to take that chain off your neck. With all the death you’ve seen, you personally, are the most dangerous haunting but you stay blessed with a kind heart.
The only thing worse than being alone is wishing you were. When did we become the definition of Love hurts.
Or worse…
Loves Curse.
MY NIGGERS
VOTE FOR ME
IF YOU WANT TO
Cash out for your crimes
Sell out for your lies
You will stay hanging from my line
The world will look to you when I commit a crime
Thank you for re-making America white
Enjoy the ride, You probably won’t make it on this journey. That doesn’t matter. YOU ALL ARE HERE TO CARRY ON MY LEGACY.
Like William Lynch and the rest of his Heroic Confederates
ALL MY NIGGERS!
You did a great service to your country making me your owner again.
Mental
Take note of your mental. (What are you saying to and thinking about those you love and influence)
Damn son.
Why do you make it so difficult.
Did I hold your freedom hostage?
Was I wrong to give you everything you wanted and be there for your struggle and force my energy to match yours.
I know… I’m the adult. Sometimes being a parent feels like you never pay enough dues.
Ahhh… I get it. I remember that’s what it feels like for you.
Feeling cursed with a daughter even though I taught her right. Also to be independent and stand and fight for hers.
I did women wrong thinking that’s how men earn stripes. Hunting purrs and growls to mark them with ink used for protein and breeding. But as long as I came out on top!!!
GHOST TOWN
Imagine if you will
Screaming your lungs out for no reason.
That’s what everyone else sees. It’s the only way you feel people pay attention. So, you pretend to give them everything.
You are on your own. You have family, but the good and bad-both you do on your own. Everywhere you walk, the wind…Your thoughts… Suffocates, snatches your breath, push you every which way.
You drift. You already have a habit of drifting. Feeling empty and worth less because of your focus. Those dreams you tell everyone, when you’re alone, you don’t remember. You sit and watch… Everything become old, turn nasty-your attitude, your aggression, sadness, until you’re empty.
You shiver. Chills from all the good abandoned.
Thoughts resemble harm. Scary thoughts that come during sad songs and death when you feel love growing- out of reach-the wreckage people addicted use to live in a dream.
————————————————————————————————-
Where’s your ghost town?
Do you remember when you felt dead inside.
Was it age eleven when you were scared your parents wouldn’t make it back home. You felt the spirit telling you their fast life would cause them to crash and burn.
Every time I hear 80’s rock. Ballads covered in sadness. Sex and drugs fill you with happiness and love you can’t hold
ALLOWANCE
Imagine if you will
It being irrational to pay your kids to handle their responsibilities. Said the conflicted, sometimes bitter father who doesn't believe he gets paid or praised enough for his.
Remember- all riches can't be touched. But as life compounds all good fathers end up with more than enough.
FALSE IDOLS (They Banned The Wrong Thing)
They banned tic-toc & the world was depressed
They allowed
Banks to keep robbing us
Government to keep us broke and continue harming us
Dr’s to keep drugging us keep us addicted
Our food to be so tainted we’re eating shit
Entertainment companies to rape our kids.
Tobacco, cigarette, weed, alcohol, & energy drink companies to kill our kids.
Insurance companies to charge so more than people can afford to live so they give up their will.
Brand New Day
BEGIN Each day allowing yourself to fight for love.
Live each day being honest about what's making you sad & making you happy.
BEGIN With a happy ending to the day in mind & if you feel your love wake up different-Fuck until she changes hers!
PAIN POINTS
Pain points to what you need to fix.
My pain points are asking for help, not getting it, and seeing the person I want and need help from waste time, give that help to others, then vent to me and expect my help-and get it.
Knowing those people ain’t helping because they think your changes will leave them behind-when actually all you want to to bring and push everyone so far ahead their momentum feels like a free ride.
Helping others more than myself, or just as much as myself. And struggling to find a balance for that attention.
Walking into the problems as yesterday knowing you didn’t explore ways to fix it.
All the same shit having a stronghold on doubt even-though you are cleaning up every area of your life.
MR. Bundy
This fatherhood thing is hard sometimes.
Makes you wanna abort your own life. Not permanent, only to reincarnate good times, and spirits. Back to when they were innocent youths who listened.
You always want your kids to grow up but never so much that it feels awkward holding and kissing them.
Damn.
It takes the amount of work as a marriage.
Whether married or parenting, you are responsible for the relationship of love and improvement.
Responsible for letting go of past times-bad and good, for a hopeful unknown future.
You predict it tho, based on what you think-all the time!