How To Be A Father When Yours Wasn’t around
Art by S.C. Versillee
Fathers don’t always stick around, but for those that are trying to…
DONT
Hate, hate, hate, hate your love. Or run away from how much your children need you to relate. Don’t run or hide from how much you understand surviving pain. Don’t deny that YOU are your child’s connection to joy.
DO
Think of the happy moments that happened in Your life.
Gift your child those good times to remember. Think of them as the vice you need to continue living. Enter the house happy, it will provide an ease to your struggles;bills,job,relations and shit making you sick to your stomach, causing your stress, obesity, or baldness. Bringing happiness will ease the grip of everything you hold onto that’s cutting away people and things you should keep close.
When your children talk-make sure you actively listen instead of waiting to turn it into a personal therapy session. When they and ask for advice, give it without the regret you attach to your life.
Be realistic and express happiness with advice that makes them laugh and understand the struggle and success of discipline. Let them see you enjoy trying new things and working hard.
SHED TEARS
Yeah, its ok to let them fall. It allows you to see clear to repair damage and bring your children closer. They need to know you have emotions. Because when you fix and maneuver through pain, it shows you have superhero muscles- even if you got the Thor dadbod from endgame. (And if you are overweight, get your big ass in shape!)
USE LOVE AS YOUR WEAPON
Sometimes, fathers who ain't in the home use rage as a weapon. They were given the weapon as a kid. The violence, the abuse and the trauma- all advanced. They never saw different because as they aged, the world promoted and repeated the same sentence.
Hug, kiss, play, smile, spend time. If you only show up with money and gifts, eventually you look like you are buying expectations. It makes it seem like you have zero desire in the relationship. That's when children test the waters to see how easy they can drown the love just like their parents.
CATCH THEIR VIBE
Children show what they like. They also show their fears and desires. WARNING! They may not match yours. But You can still make them feel cozy and safe as socks or their favorite blanket during times they feel the chill of self-conscious denial-when they feel like giving up on their hopes and dreams. When they feel hurt and betrayed. When they realize it’s not easy as social media portrays.
Discuss and learn their beliefs. You may not understand, but it provides in their time of need and what they need is your time.
You may be at a loss for words, but showing Love, no matter what- gives feelings of power, trust and respect. That gives life to a relationship children want to cherish.
