The Dark Side
Up late. Listening to The Dark Side of the Moon. Thinking of what I will regret, so I don’t act, on it. Too soon? Only a few days in, the new year hasn’t given me a reason to be careless. But it inches in like the plead and whisper of a hymen killer.
Saying “ I promise not to hurt you".” Then, excited at the penetration, deep thoughts bang for a desired ending.
Hungover
He reminisced over his last visit to the strip club. Him and his lady were on the outs that night. He needed action to avoid a jackin’ spree. Throwing his hand was a vice that gripped til they were broken. Betting it all that he was thorough enough to be rewarded without his bread, stuffing deep in all lips and cheeks. Instead, he left with hook’in money.
Down an alley, animals make home, he pounded in a fit- like he was trying to beat shame. Her moans, now that he was really, really, thinking back on it, were stroking for a tip much bigger than his.
From my Freaky Friday Collection
That’s Game
Black Father’s advice
Image from the movie “FRESH”
Knowledge, forgiveness, and inner strength can cure the venom of any snake.
Be careful though-
to never think you are immune to their blow.
Some allow themselves to be charmed
they have different degree levels; they are doctors of beautiful harm.
Their disguise is a fantasy of paralyzing belief.
You become stuck. Un-able to escape the lie, and watch your life slip away.
This may seem morbid, or dramatic, but if you ain’t careful, deception and destruction can make you an addict.
You should never play a losers game, cause you will be ashamed if you end up victorious.
The warning sign is if it makes you embarrassed to tell your friends and parents. That's damage you need to avoid. You just have to make the choice.
(Excerpt from my upcoming book "Mom said go talk to Dad"
Prayer for my N.O.R.E.’s (Niggaz on the run eatin)
Prayer for Niggaz on the run
Lord let me make it tonight. Don't let my star dim under this moon. Light the way. I love you but don't wanna see you soon.
A Fathers Pursuit
Image from movie “Pursuit of Happyness”
One day I will disappoint you
I will work hard for your forgiveness,
I will do whatever it takes-
but, unfortunately, children always pay more than the debt is worth for their father’s mistakes.
Please remember I am also learning my way, raising and protecting another human being is an enlightening journey created from every decision made.
Be careful how you play the game of life
Winning at all costs is not worth ruining your name.
Excerpt from my upcoming book "Mom said go talk to Dad"
DOLEMITE SANTA
Freaky Santa
image from www.teepublic.com
He will fill your chimney.
He will stuff your stocking.
Down by the tree.
Near the warm fire.
He will have you shivering.
His sack is heavy.
Unwrap his package to get your gift.
He will have you singing year round "I wish it was Christmas"
(From my Freaky Friday Collection)
White Niggers
White Niggers
My mind is dangerous. Especially with all the voices.
What!? They say
Nigga, go get it.
Nigger, behave.
BRO! You already know the way.
BOY, get out the way-out my face.
Dawg, if a bitch nigga try to finesse, put it to his neck, hand or boot. If he a smart mouf, make sure he spit blood and teeth you knocked loose.
Fuck that. RUN, them white boys got guns.
All of em’ wannabe KKKowboys shooting indi…and, schooling white kids to kill all color’ed niggers. That American history x curriculum, to kill Malcolm’s and Kings, Replacing African Keys. Forcing a fight, then claiming they’re scared for their life.
Killing their own to make room, beating their women, manipulating their seeds. Government funded, when sprouted, ready to kill everything.
White Niggers is the realest. FEARLESS. The only race encouraged and allowed to attack their own country, cause they wanna be free, from the Black’s they need.
Parents War
Great parenting advice
Don’t let your parents, or peers, fears become your own.
Don’t allow them to turn the completion of your dreams into regrets and tears
some may mean well, some may just want another person’s failure story to tell
Because they think it makes their own a better sell.
Truth is, some people lose their desire as they age
Youthful ambition, mixed with a dream and focused vision are a necessity for happiness as you grow old
Hold on and keep chasing them, no matter how slow they unfold.
Excerpt from my upcoming book “Mom said go talk to Dad”
No Bad Energy(Soldiers story)
Lord, if you listening,
Devil... Now I'm whispering
I prepare by sipping water and gin. Fresh breathed and hydrated. You cannot smell my sin. And I don't wine, but..
Lord, if you listening,
Devil... Now I'm whispering
I prepare by sipping water and gin. Fresh breathed and hydrated. You cannot smell my sin. And I don't wine, but...
One of you help. I ain't tryna hurt nobody, but I need a release. The pain I cause, sometimes, is unhealthy, but very necessary. I'm charged, admitted as a keeper of peace, shaking hands. I squeeze violent. Tugging. War, who will submit, I am not allowed. As a black man, going home to a family, or alone. surviving to create is paramount.
So please approach me with good energy. To make Heaven on earth, when your thinking hellish, depends on what your selling. That's what I was taught.
When body language doesn't translate.
Blacktops become blackboards.
Screams during flight, give adrenaline as I move and dodge, slide and maneuver. Claps, pound me to A knee, then both. I finally understand, hate and love are sealed in hugs and fists.
(Art from Lostboi’s album called No Bad Energy)
Confidence
I am a culture classic.
I am a cult classic.
My writing, opening my books, is like touching the privates of your affair. The one, your parents dared you not. The porn you’re addicted to. The drugs that ruin, but you can’t get up without. The one you broke your vows with, or the medication that heals.
Easy Way In
Art by Austyn Weiner “Big Black and White”
Coarse straight or bald. I like them all- slick.
Licking.
Lapping on the miles.
Keeping score as I run through…
You know…
Secrets build a stable of …
Nah, I ain’t going that route, cause I wanna dig more.
Big, medium, small, short or tall, I have a hard bone for them.
I’m in it now. Nose and all. A little taint, never stopped me.
Long as I don’t get stuck. You can handle me however you want.
Just know… I bite, I scratch, I sniff, I pounce.
I have an aggressive, gentlemanly, violent growl.
I make hair and nipples stand.
I bump in excitement.
My gift, is a Pearl Necklace, with the scent of an Alpha, Grizzly Gentleman.
(Words from my Freaky Friday Collection)
Suicidal Thoughts #1
Mind Terrors
I almost gave up today. I heard a voice and couldn't handle the pain. It said-"I would never get my dream life", "I don't own the rights."
I heard that I should sit down and take the cowards escape, so I would never have to look fear in the face. I was torn, exhausted from my minds race. I sat quiet, searching for control.
I knew I was in trouble when my reasons to live started to slow. I became a stranger in the only place I called home.
With no where to go, I...
Bad Santa
Image from Laphams Quarterly
Bad Santa?
OH Christmas.
They say, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. Adults smiling, excited from joy, and the presence gifts bring. A time when greed is presented, accepted, thought of as cute. It only happens once a year is the excuse.
But what happens to the person who can’t provide. Jobless during the giving and taking season.? He roams neighborhoods with shoveled, brightly lit streets, fancy, expensive department buildings displaying BIG shiny toys and diamond rings. With big churches, hosting families generously tithing their earnings.
As the saying goes… “Outside the church, Evil Lurks”
He was much worse. Wore a Santa suit to relax passersby, an innocent disguise. Masking his intentions. That ol’ jolly tradition. His pockets were bare, no money to warm his cold skin. Prayer and hope didn’t provide for him. The only white man he saw on Christmas was from the precinct.
NO POLICE PROTECTION AT THESE CHURCHES THO…
Just peace and business. Tall clean buildings. Outside you could hear jolly, slow, long worship and caroling. All part of the naughty’s last minute repents to get onto the good list.
As the mass released, they hollered and prayed to Christ. Some yelled a blasphemous “SHIT! JESUS!” As the barrel of his gun blinded their sight. They hugged and clung to their purses and wallets for dear life. Some grabbed their families too.
He forced everyone back into the church and made them empty their wallets and purses. He could now be a gift to his own wife and kids. Then, he thanked God for humanities giving spirit.
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas.
Oh’ God, its Dad’s pep talk
Image from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Change and improve your environment and you change and improve your mind. Then you’ll be able to sleep, without believing it’s a waste of time.
It’s a human superpower-the rich and wealthy understand. But-bullshit artists present what keeps you broke. They know the majority of people would rather party and be distracted than be still and understand.
Also-don’t chase sex. Chase self-improvement. That will make you THE WOMAN or THE MAN it’s a bigger flex and ego check than the amount of bodies you bed.
(Excerpt from my upcoming book “Mom Said go talk to Dad”
American Lifeline
Image from the Boondocks
The corner store was conveniently located across from the prison, attracting every new release. The inmate emerged from behind the wall. Looking up, for the first time in his life, to see a freedom that did not involve taking another’s.
He finally understood the bird’s song. Having had less money now, than when he entered prison.
“The cost of interest he thought.” Realizing he paid for his endless education with more than he could afford. A child who came out a man. Gay-free, moments were gone, in a hole he couldn’t escape.
He went from riding bikes, playing videogames and rock-paper-scissors- to fighting for a hard life and carving out his name on cock-diesel primates.
He walked into the store.
Years of pent-up rage taught him how to be the alpha dog in a cage. But he sought the sublime feeling he hadn’t received since being trapped inside the wall society conceals its crimes. Conditioning him to see an attack from anyone with a heart. In a place where survival was art.
The store conveniently placed porn magazines in the front. Sealed tight. He couldn’t preview what was inside, except one cover whose face disturbed him like a grimace in the shower.
It was his girl. His bright-eyed delight. The picture he tore his celly apart to find. His C.O. laughed when the fight denied his first attempt at parole.
This was why men abort love. They fear the pain of betrayals unrelenting hug.
Jay-z rang in his head. He knew he set her back, but-
“You don’t get a nigga back like that.”
He picked up the magazine, only one in stock. He stole it, the arresting officer from his youth, strutted out the back room, like a bully rolling, taking from allowance. And if it wasn’t, gave out knuckles and stomps. But in this case, he couldn’t beat it, and if he ran; SIMPLE! Just another dead criminal-increasing prisons rehab revenue.
The store owner laughed with excitement as the new release exited. Securing bonuses was easier than expected. The inmate had become familiar with life as a failure. Now a regular patient. Prison remained the great White mentor.
As the inmate was escorted back - in, to continue his state education, upset he did not get a chance to release his frustration-he asked a question that was giving him hell.
“If the porn magazine is in braille, do you get the same feeling?
The store owner grinned, then replied “Ahhh. We make it so you niggers can’t read the signs.”
The inmate shoved the officer and lunged at the store owner. The officer shot. The inmate fell, stretched out, struggling for breath, crawled to find safety in place there would never be.
The store owner leaned over, “but you’ll die before you can tell.”
The officer placed the picture on the inmate’s steady chest and said” We will treat her well.”
PTSD
The cuts were his distraction. Drops of blood pooled, drowned his pangs of hunger spreading like spilled sugar.
This was his daydream-he carved into reality. Slicing until he dried out. It seemed so easy; not having to provide.
Never needing or being needed. People can’t miss what they don’t know. And, after a while, he would be forgotten. Or even better-Never have existed.
But closing his eyes, didn’t allow an escape, a hiding place, none of the things he imagined.
He could still feel the pull and hear the call of life and loved ones…
(Smile, call, kiss, hug, acknowledge someone, anyone-TODAY!
Dad Talk
Never negotiate what you need to heal.
Make personal happiness one of your life’s most rewarding thrills.
Make moves with integrity, it is an invincible foundation. It allows you to stand firm in any situation.
You may feel alone amongst a crowd.
There is a time to lead, and a time to follow.
Separate from the masses wasting time, using busy as a productive disguise, or pessimism, and blind optimism as realistic advice.
They will explain and interpret hurtful secrets as wisdom, but if you pay attention, you will see how it has ruined their life.
Run fast and far as you can from suffocating influence.
(Excerpt from my upcoming book ”Mom Said Go Talk to Dad”)
Movie-NUT
Image from “Black Dynamite”-The animated series.
The female on the screen wasn't worth mention. Not compared to what was sitting next to him. Fit, soft, wet, and tight.
Big ol' everything, in all the places he liked. With night eyes, projecting their bright future.
He thought he was directing, because of how she opened up. His fingers helped her go.
He was popping like a trigger; she was struck by the flash. She tensed when it hit. Her eyes and back rolled. After her spasmed finale, his direction continued...
"I'm nexxxt."
He Leaned, back down, legs spread, ready to ball. Her wrist stroke stretched and aired him out.
When they left, he was limping and blue. Stomach in knots.
From one end or the other his time was coming up.
He took her home to see if her lips could complete what her hand couldn't.
(A story from my Freaky Friday series)
Working Man
WORKING MAN
I keep a couple.
Dimes. Glocks. Dollars.
Rubbing each other like two fingers sprinkling a spell to attract.
Busting to keep control.
Spending to secure the top.
Slick enough to slide and
keep lies hidden.
To bring them in- fatuated with hurt-work done to minds for control.
Like the routine I chase for pay.
Whoring myself every day.