Slaughterhouse/Daddy-Daycare
I'm trying to be the father outside of my genetics. Bleeding out, pouring, and exhaling lessons. Passing on the same genes. Some hand-me downs, no matter how much they are needed, should never be accepted. But If I knew everything he didn’t while trying to find himself, and raise, protect, teach, nourish, and learn about the life he created, I wouldn’t have to worry about being different.
The time it takes. A life’s work never realized until the darkness of hate and death enlightens. Wandering, eyes searching, seeking assertion, comfort…satisfaction…jealousy…envy… Of body. Of ego. A boost keeping you young, for a time shorter than old sex, or Hennessy dick.
Daily, weekly, monthly, yearly highlights consist of the amount of numbers you get, bitches you hit, hours you worked, food stamp money you receive, and income tax returns.
Or the N.B.N. Nigga Block News-equivalent to stay at home mothers modern soap operas-reality TV- where men are educated about everyone’s business except their own. Bodies, catching bodies, how many you got? How many you slay? Wreck-less fuckery, wombs becoming graves.
And that’s why we leave willing. Unlike when we are treated unruly, or refuse to be ruled, which becomes our undoing. We do everything fast, hard, aggressive how fathers’ discipline, and women make themselves moist, excited for… Power. Pride. Pussy. A Black man’s dream.
Who am I kidding? A White man’s too. And a woman’s. They have it all anyway. Yes, I’m still talking Black. The magnificence of a body’s anger. Its strength to resist and succumb.
I never know what goes first. The body of a child or the mind of their elder. Impatient to see an end that does not end misery when fathers leave behind unfinished…
We went from, life nigga talk, and pussy plots, to “young man do what you need to create options.” And “respect your woman and her mind, provide what she needs and wants, then she MIGHT ALLOW YOU to control her body.”
Confusing, lessons given too late, when disbelief is the hardest part a father’s character and body. And failure, the strongest piece of self-knowledge neglected. So, he watches himself lose- everything- everyone. Including himself.
